Redirect - Hope this story will help someone else.

So, here's my story. Vol. 1
In the winter of '06 my husband began to travel with his company. Eventually he was living in one state and I was in another. We did this for eight months. This is no way to live when two people are married. Especially when said marrieds are trying to conceive. So, in the summer of '07 I decided to give up my very good government job and go live with my husband Matthew and move to Indiana.
Now, I'm a mountain girl. Hillbilly if you will and Indiana is flat. Very flat. Not to mention the people (OK, so the women) are well, "different". I think I ran into two friendly people the whole time I was there. Not a good way to start a new life in a new place. I was alienated and homesick and lonely and I didn't feel well. I just chalked that all up to the new situation I was in. The past eight months of constant travel from East Tennessee to Indiana five hours each way at least twice a month can put a strain on a body.
At first my time in Indiana was hopeful. I had never lived out of my home state. I was ready for a change of scenery. I was ready to get away from the people and places I had always known. I needed a change and I needed my husband back. I was going to give the life of a stay at home wife a whirl.
I read a lot of books. I did a lot of yoga. I walked the dog. I took pregnancy tests.
After about six weeks of this I started to send out resumes as well.
A few more weeks went by and a few more tests went into the trash until one day I told Matt that I just could not read one more test. I would gladly take them but he would have to be the one to read them. I just didn't have it in me any more. I just could not face that one solitary line one more time.
Funny how life works out cause that day we went to the local Chinese buffet. This was Matt's idea. He wanted Chinese food so we went. I was not in the mood for food. Any kind of food Chinese or otherwise. I felt like crawling out of my skin. I felt like I was getting the flu. That is where I told him I just couldn't look at a rejection stick one more time. He said o.k. he'd look from now on. "In fact" he said "why don't we go ahead and get another test when we stop by the store tonight."
Thinking this test was a waste of time and money we bought one and Matt said "just take it. You know it's going to be negative but at least that will be out of our heads and hearts for a few more weeks. It will be one less thing." That night I didn't even look at the test. I didn't really even think about it.
The next morning Matt calls me about 10 o'clock and asks if I have peed on the unholy stick. I let him know I have not. He then asks me to go take it. "Go take it to get it out of the way" he says. I poo poo his request and get off the phone. About an hour later I need to do what nature was calling me to do so I went ahead and peed on the stick so I could tell Matt later 'see, I peed on the stick' cause that's the kind of stupid shit you do when you are married.
I laid the stick on the counter and left the bathroom not wanting to acknowledge this soiled piece of plastic with all my hopes and dreams dripping off the end of it. I took the dog for a walk. I came back to the house. I crept up the stairs. I peeked into the bathroom but did not go in. I strained my eyes in hopes of seeing something. I didn't quite have the right angle so I inched into the bathroom just a little bit. Feet still on the carpet but with my body leaning into the room up on my toes, eyes wide. Eyes wide because did I see? Is that really what the test is showing? Is that really two lines in that window?