Now, I realize my last instalment was all vague and scary, well, that's exactly how the whole experience was.
Here is this woman whom I have never seen before comes in and rips my life apart. Tells me to give up the one thing I've fought for, for so many years, and the one thing I've ever truly wanted - my child. All based on one set of lab tests and a couple cups of pee. She orders lots and lots of new blood work, tells me she wants me to have an amniocentesis at 14 weeks gestation, then gives us all her phone numbers, email addresses and even home address. Holy shit, this is serious.
Oh, and then she tops is all off by telling us we are the last patients she will be seeing in Indiana because she is moving to Arizona the next day. NEXT DAY!!! WTF?!
Matt and I are then led out of "the room" and back to the receptionist's desk. This time she is nice to us. We scheduled our next appointment for two weeks away , I stop off and give twelve vials of blood (not exaggerating) and we leave.
Matt and I get in the car not speaking. each of us too afraid to say anything to the other for fear of what those words could unleash. Neither of us wanted to breach that levee yet. Neither of us could. Too much had been heaped upon us and we needed that drive time to process all we had just been told. I remember listening to myself breath. Listening to my heart beat. Trying to ask that little life deep inside me what I was supposed to do. Lots to ask of a fetus, I know.
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